I am a beast...the type of beast that can throw down 8 miles without much problem. I rocked the 8 miles at a pretty decent pace yesterday afternoon over at Riverfront. The first mile was finished in exactly 10 minutes with The Rick, but then I picked it up a bit. My final 7 miles were run at a 9:10 or so pace. That isn't exactly the kind of speed that blows people away, but it is probably faster than my anticipated marathon pace. Next time, though, I shall do more indepth stretching. I'm pretty sore now...but at least I can say I ran 8 miles.

As for The Rick, his improvement was pretty freaking apparent to me yesterday. I saw him and I thought to myself, "Poor little Derek, oh how he'll be running the 26.2 miles all alone." Then I laughed at my previous thought, as we all know Derek will be walking and not running anyway.

Kenny: You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye.

If The Rick and Derek ran at all yesterday, than ground was made up against Ken. I failed to run yesterday, instead opting to go to a tryout for The Weakest Link at a local hotel. I failed to make the show in spite of the fact that I got almost all of the questions correct. I guess my charisma let me down on this one. Not only did I fail to run, but I also downed 3 Mountain Dews and ate fast food. In order to make up for these sins, I have vowed to run 8 miles when I get off work this afternoon. I haven't quite figured out how I am going to get this far, though stealing a bike from a small child seems like a good possibility.

It appears I'm bearing the brunt of all the shit. And this whole marathon thing was my idea. But it's good. I ran about 4.2 miles yesterday; and all I could think was "somewhere out there, Ricky's probably beating me." I've always felt at my best under some peer pressure from good friends. Since none of those are running the marathon, I guess Ricky and Kenny will have to do.

Here's a little something for Ricky and Kenny: we've all agreed to stick together through this run, which I think is a good idea. But at the end, say the last 1/8 of a mile, we make it a race. This is mainly to Rick, as I think Kenny would win and Rick's ghetto booty might affect his aerodynamics. But here's the second part. After the race, the first and second place people have a fight. The overall winner takes the pride.

This makes me laugh because I imagine the world's most pathetic race ever. Like the old saying goes: "even if you win Gold at the Special Olympics, you're still a retard."

I've also concreted what will be my training schedule. My goal is to run this puppy in 5 hours. I run a long run every Saturday and 4 to 6 miles daily during the week.

First of all, I hope all who read realize that my screen name, "rick da runner" (i guess it will show up??) is a joke. I am as much a runner as Derek is a fitness model or kenny is a hair model. But enough of that.

Yesterday I fell short of my goal of 4 miles in 40 minutes. I completed 4 miles in 44 minutes. Right now, I'm feeling pretty much like a pathetic pudgy bastard as I was lapped my mangets (a cross between a midget and a real man) and women alike. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for completing 4 miles, my longest run to date, but 44 minutes is just sad. The upside is that after the 1 .5 mile mark, I was positive that I would never make the 4 mile mark and I was terrified that I would fail to surpass my previous long distance of 2.5 miles. Fortunately, I reached deep inside and pulled out that certain something that I needed. Namely, my intense desire to not have to put up with the barrage of insults from my comarathoners...the slug and the able...although I must say, the slug has little room to talk...although I hear he completed 4 yesterday as well.

The Rick declared before yesterday's run that he was going to travel 4 miles in 40 minutes. I guess he needed a unicycle though, as he crossed the finishline in 44 minutes. I'd love to give him crap about not reaching his goal, but I was quite happy to see him get 4 miles without walking. For a while there I wasn't sure if he was gonna make it at all. One thing is apparent to me though: he is ahead of where Derek is right now. Hey Derek, put down the twinkies and pick up your running shoes. And for the record, I don't see you going from 6 miles to 26 miles in twelve weeks...you might want to start pushing it a bit.

Knowing that Ricky is determined, and that Kenny is quite able on the running tracks, I guess that makes me the slug. I’ve long believed almost every extended group of friends has an idiot in its ranks. If you’re group doesn’t have an idiot, then it’s probably you.

I’m a running idiot. I am to running what Bob Uecker is to baseball: so pathetically bad it’s laughable. But I’m trying. Tonight I’m shooting for a straight four miles without stopping. Next week I plan to build that mileage up to four and a half. That number will increase by a half mile until I can comfortable handle six miles. This must happen by Sept. 20, so I can begin a 12-week marathon-training program.

And Ricky’s right there with me. The difference is he did not spend four years in the Marine Corps. One would think running would come easy. Hah! When I run I feel like an impotent porn star; all of the desire, none of the equipment.

Running sucks. It’s inapplicable to any functional component of life. It’s no more a sport than holding your breath or doing belly flops in the pool. I hate it. It makes me wish I were born without legs.

So why do it? Because I can’t..

I finished up the 5 miles in right at 42:59 yesterday evening. This isn't terribly fast, but it was a decent pace for the milage. It isn't easy keeping up with a girl on a bike...I kept up for the 1st 2 and a half miles but then she sped up and I was done. I'm darn sore today, but I'll get to run a really slow 4 miles with The Rick. His goal is 4 miles in 40 minutes and I think he'll get it. I am a God of a coach...

After running massive hills yesterday, and watching Derek walk them, I became very sore. I could have wussed out and taken a break to let my pathetic body get healthy...but I'm a man's man. I'm taking my woman to Riverfront today to run 5 miles. She will be biking it and hopefully offering words of encouragement. I hope that running alongside a bike will help me pick up the pace a bit, as running with Derek this weekend was like running alongside an infant learning to walk.